Artful Persuasion and the Value of Uncertainty
02/13/2024
| Ever notice how ineffective we are at persuading others to ‘see it our way’? Whether we’re defending our stance in response to a disagreement or in anticipation of one soon to come, we argue our truth, await a slip-up in logic from our adversary, and pounce at the opportunity to highlight our opponent’s misguided beliefs. All in the hopes that they might acknowledge just how right we are. Why would we ever think this is a winning formula? What if we began to view persuasion not as a tactic to winning at all costs, but as an opening for reviewing personal assumptions, exploring joint pathways of discovery and achieving shared truths. What if we went into conversation with the person we aimed to persuade by leading with open-ended questions that allow us to understand their beliefs and where those beliefs come from. How might that insight benefit us or even help us shift our stance? And how might our willingness to shift actually earn us credibility and allow the other person to soften their stance? What does this look like in practice? Consider starting with these steps in your conversation: 1) State clearly what you believe are your shared goal. At best, you agree and start from a place of alignment. At worst, you realize you’re not even on the same page about what you’re discussing – quite valuable in and of itself! 2) Begin your discovery by asking the other person to define the goal in their words. For instance, just because you both agree that you’re seeking ways to improve employee retention doesn’t mean you’re starting from the same place in addressing the issue. Once you have insight, you can dig deeper. That conversation might start like this: “When I think of our retention challenge, I’m thinking first and foremost about our employee benefits. I hear you saying you see training and development as the starting point. That’s interesting. What’s shaped your viewpoint?” 3) Listen to understand. You’ve created an opening and begun building a bridge. Now, it’s time to honor their truth by listening fully and blocking out that inner voice that’s preparing what you’ll say next. Repeat back what you hear for verification, then follow up with another inquisitive, open-ended question. Your active listening will reveal clues for how to reframe your objective. 4) Use what you’ve learned to reframe your shared objective. For example, while each of you may have advocated for a different starting point in addressing employee retention, through discovery and active listening, you’ve landed on a shared pain point – you both agree that employees feel undervalued. Now, you’re getting somewhere. You may even concede that there were flaws in the certainty of your original approach. Better yet, you may have uncovered what was at the heart of your own argument, found common ground and begun to gain an ally. Try these steps and see how they serve you. Redefining persuasion means rethinking how we communicate and for what purpose. How do you persuade others? And how effective are you at letting go of your own certainty for the sake of finding a shared position from which to build? Interested in exploring your persuasive techniques? Want help rethinking the art of effective communication? If this is something you’d like to explore, let’s talk. Feel free to send me a message or set up time on my calendar. ←Rethinking Results: The Limitations of Solution-Oriented Thinking |